Self-Empowerment: Conflictive Support in Friendships

​I’ve learned to invest in my own ideas, my own thoughts, my own feelings. I’ve had so many businesses…I can count way pass ten digits. NOTHING but users and abusers and naysayers around me…or people who wanted to change my ideas…or decide what their idea of support is, which was usually the opposite of what I asked, if at all. We automatically think because we have a product, that the greatest thing someone can do for us is buy the product. But then what?

If you all are not aware, on new years eve, a celeb felt of good cheer and sent out a message of monetary support to fans who shared their need of funds for various reasonings. 

There was one woman who asked for “people support”. In other words, she asked to be connected to supportive people vs giving her the money. The celeb in turn asked how much money she needed, she settled on $5000, and made it known that she would preferred the people support, the tone sounded disappointed. 

I thought to myself, why not just give her the “people support”, maybe she has money, “people support” would help her elevate her business. That sucks.

If you’ve been in my home, you’ve seen several paintings on my walls and have commented however you felt about them. In asking who the artist was…you eventually found out it was me. I have been offered money for them and commissioned to paint for others. I’ve refused it all. 

Recently a very good friend of mine, mentioned that the paintings are just sitting there three years now, when they should be shared with the world. I never thought of that. I consider these paintings as stages in my life. He noted that they aren’t stages, they are who I am, and that other people would be able to relate when they see the paintings…and would buy prints for their living rooms and offices, and cards and other merchandise. 

Then he said, “You want to sell a successful product, make it personal. Don’t sell a t-shirt if it isn’t personal. Sell hair products that you use yourself, and definitely do not sell makeup, because you don’t even wear makeup…maybe lip color. Like you sell your perfumes and body oils; if it smells like your father, you can still share that. Personality sells. Share your personality! You are a multi-millionaire and haven’t collected your check, because you’re hoarding your most profitable product. You. YOU are creative if ever I seen a woman create. If you say it smells like Heaven, share that! You’ve written in other people’s names for so long, put YOUR name on the books! Put out the products you create…even if it is just one at a time. You have a house full of products; every time I come here you’ve created something new, and you explain their existence very well from wherever you travelled in your sleep, but share them with the people. Personality sells! You don’t have to have a gimmick..be yourself. How many people have you supported and the product was no good or those people knew you until you bought their products, then they didn’t know you anymore. Those are gimmicks. Those people don’t last. Sell longevity and impact more than temporary and trendy. In the meantime, I’m going to support you by paying for three trademarks, you decide which three and let me know in 30 days.”

That was the best support I’ve had in many years. Not the buying of the trademarks…the ASSESSMENT. The DISCUSSION. And my friend and I have disagreements every so often! But the truth is the truth and he came through with prime support! People tend to void disagreements with me…directly with me anyway. I tend to speak up…as I assume friends disagree, talk about it, and then move forward. But instead of doing that, they ignore me, and tell everyone around them, ask strangers who don’t know me for the answer, they write subposts, they don’t respond to my texts or calls, or they simply stop engaging with me. And that says a lot to me. Lack of respect, or that I’m not worth their time. Which contradicts their supposedly interest in having a friendship in the first place. Friends disagree. So therefore how can I support a person that doesn’t even want to talk to me just because I may disagree with something? I’ve gotten rid of my phone number…no need for it. 

Last night, I dreamed a Crone told me that my (omit) left me some money when she died, and the Crone offered to help me find the money. However the Crone lead me on a dark path that was littered with accidents, and people I thought I was cool with were walking around in the dark. The Crone hit one of them with her car(a baby blue Cadillac 1970ish) like the person was a rag doll. I thought me and that person was cordial..even shared some stories…but who knew. Envy isn’t always blunt. And there was nothing but storm after storm. I decided it wasn’t worth getting that money if I had to go through such a dark energy, and she tried to give me hell. I couldn’t tell if she was trying to help me or hurt me. So I decided to close that book and changed dreams for something more inspirational.

I’m looking at CONFLICT differently. I think people approach us with personal interests of friendship, and their own intentions of which we are not often aware; and when we don’t go along or support something, we’re a problem, and they begin to stay away or just in the edge for a while. However, in us thinking something is wrong with us, God done in the meantime blocked their access to you, but you don’t know that, because what you hear when you reach out is “I’ve been busy.” You further pull up thoughts of nobody is that busy that they can’t make time to say hi or whatever. But the truth is they ARE busy. And it’s not about you, it’s about them. 
Again if you have a disagreement with someone and they choose to ignore you rather than address it, stop reaching out. No everyone can handle conflict or see their way through, some can and choose not to conflict with you, and ultimately, people have every right to consciously cut off access and engage with those who will agree with their intentions without conflict to themselves. Let’s not get back into sacrifices. Just don’t sacrifice your own well-being and fool yourself into thinking you’re being SUPPORTIVE.

I woke this morning and the last words I heard coming out of sleep this morning was, “Keep failing until you succeed.” I felt like that was a good start to the next three years. I am a multi-millionaire. I know that. I just never admitted it and committed it to myself. And it’s ok. I am supporting myself and all my dreams, intents and purposes. You know, self empowerment.

Self-Love: Say I Love You

I tell myself I LOVE YOU at least once a day. I say it. There is a very conscious love affair happening in me. This is the ‘light’ people are seeing. It’s not about me per say, it’s about loving the god in me and receiving love back.

 

And I get to gift myself with things I like and that come from my heart. And the larger gifts come from other people who experience even a wisp of my love…the god in me gets in their energies..and connects with another aspect of its god-self realized. Nothing to do with any one focused physical act being more powerful than another. God can readjust any heart…no matter the closeness or distance. It’s the human vessel that fights against change.

 

The more you become conscious of your depth…instead of fearing your own feelings and thoughts, say I love you. Much like you would to anyone else….you should encourage yourself…more than any other.

 

Other people may not accept you as you are..and may even judge you or condemn you…of course they’re wrong. As we know only the God in us judges fairly. So instead of helping people hate yourself, say to yourself, I LOVE YOU. And mean it.

 

Feel what happens after a while..THAT’S the love you kept trying to give away. Don’t stop. Just give MORE to yourself. You have every reason to be prosperous and happy. 😁💙🌸

Self-Motivation: Reclaim Your Momentum

Reclaim your momentum

If you should happen to lose your momentum, don’t give up on it. Do what’s necessary to get it back.

When the flow of your effort is unexpectedly interrupted, don’t make that an excuse to stop. Instead, let it prompt you to quickly recommit to the effort.

You’ve put in a lot of work getting to this point. Make all that work count for something by continuing on with it.

It’s natural to be dismayed about losing your momentum. So let your dismay inspire you to reclaim that momentum.

You were knocked off track, but that’s no reason to wander around in the wilderness. Put all your focus on getting back to what you were doing, getting back in the flow.

Your forward momentum is worth the work you put into creating it, and worth getting back if you lose it. Reclaim your momentum, and make it stronger than ever before.

— Ralph Marston

Self Healing: Back To the Basics

​Hey y’all this Sunday rising is a rather mind-sobering mood..I’m not complaining, it’s a good thing.

 

I’m out here like Father for(e)give me for being an asshole and not wearing my glasses that time. I pressured myself to pre-form…when I wasn’t even ready. Most people take their glasses off to see, I have to put mine on. That’s how I see what my father wants me to SEE.
Y’all ever did that? Engage in something prematurely? How could you not see the real horizon through the mirage in your face? Because you weren’t wearing your glasses…your righted mind! Your awareness and insight was off course!
In the future, wait. Give it another 24 hours. Let the heatwave simmer down.
Self Foregiveness and Self Responsibility have been my theme this month. My father god reminded me this rising about a discussion we had back on 12/20/12 in the Great Room. Sometimes we have to go back to the basics, no matter how far we’ve come.
Oddly, during that same sleep work, I saw the sun explode. So many people were burned up. I wasn’t and I walked right through the fire and falling ambers. THAT event was rather symbolic because my life HAD changed from that night forward. The process of Self-Healing had begun. As with anything else, the more of yourself you give to your DARKSelf, the better of your LIGHTSelf you will receive back. God’s remedy to heal any suffering soul, broken spirit, worn or broken heart, and any phase of a relationship is a process to be worked at with discipline:
–REVELATION: Opening oneself up to review of his/her faults and/or negative beings; their transgressions.
-REALIZATION: Now knowing and acknowledging to his/her transgressions and accepts his/her responsibility and role he/she played in revealed transgressions.
–FORGIVENESS: Asking for forgiveness unto ones God-Head is perhaps the most important part of healing. The bowing of the head acknowledges that one has realized and is sorry for their transgression against others and/or Self. Forgiveness is a confirmation of agreement with Self and/or between two or more beings, to move forward and no longer hold Self or others in a place of negative vibrations; or contempt nor condemnation.
Make a lovely day.

Self-Healing: My Fore-Giving is for Me

​I would hate for anybody to assume that I hate them just cause I don’t engage anymore. I’m a fore-giving person. However, fore-giving doesn’t mean makeup and move forward.
Foregiveness means I’m giving myself CLOSURE to ANY situation that is proving to be be counter-productive to my goals and desires, to my integrity, beFORE I fuck up any further. My fore-giving is about ME. Just like the rest of whatever I got going on. Why would I dwell in darkness, harm my own wellness and hand someone else my healing? 
My foregiving is about me. This is not some thing y’all gonna hear a common person say. I’m not common…this is why its so easy for me to share. I don’t worry about not being me. I just be me…in whatever capacity. Be you. If you have some shit to get out your chest in order to be you…do that. Your heart..do that…your mind…do that…your body…do that. And do it as quickly as possible. So you can have closure amd move in the next best thing. 
Living your best life is not getting a thing and showing it off. Living your best life is a process of waking up, taking responsibility for your energy ouput and intake, overcoming the mis-takes, foregiving yourself, and enjoying the successes of whatever comes out of it at the time. It going to happen over and over through your life! 
If you leave your foregiving and healing up to others, they will never let it go. They will never let YOU let it go…and they will work at tarnishing your character and always attempt to make themselves look good by making you look bad. And you shouldn’t have to spend good energy convincing other people that your not that bad. If someone of fucking with you, it’s because they’re afraid of you. That’s it, plain and simple.
I’m the confidante to several persons who lack the ability to foregive themselves. And believe me, it’s heavy shit. But I’M here for me…and people see that, and trust me to be there for them. As much as I share, I’m still a very private person. 
Foregiving is for YOU to move ON with YOUR life…not forward with the bullshit packed away.

Self-Realism: Undefined Relationships

Our current relationship status doesn’t guarantee us happiness or happily ever after. The status has to be lived in real time. Many of us are in relationships acting as if we’re single at selective moments. And many of us are single… pretending to be attached also at selective moments. And many of us are simply in undefined relationships…playing it by the other persons level of contact…or mood…or how much sex we can get or make ourselves available for…under the guise that this is what an exclusive relationship is.
I’m not saying two people have to sit each others feelings or constantly define their union. What I’m am saying, is that it’s OK to spend time with the people you like to spend time with too…away from the definitions and labels. It’s ok to be an adult in your own happiness, which may include openly seeing multiple people, while dating one person. Until you and that person discuss being more to each other, and define concrete purpose to each other, you are free to enjoy your time with other adults.

Some days ago I ran into a male associate whom I hadn’t seen in some years. During our quick catch-up he asked if I were seeing anyone. I said yes…long distance. He chuckled, reached in his suit breast pocket and handed me his business card. He told me to call him when I’m free for lunch or dinner and drinks. And he moved on…eye-ing me in the face. Now had he said that first, then handed his card I more than likely wouldn’t have taken it. But still, did he not respect what I just informed him? He didn’t give me a chance to deny him. But that doesn’t mean he had sinister motive either. I still exist with my own mind and purposes…but I wondered still. What if I hadn’t said long distance? 
Recently, I’ve also observed that when I tell people I’m dating long distance…it reflects back as sorrowful or desperate. “Oh that must be hard for youuu.”…or…”How often do you see each other??”…or…”You’re not worried about him cheating?…you know he cheatin right?”…or “Wow there’s plenty of men here who would definitely date you…what made you go long distance?” I mean they wanna know everything! I have no answers. If anything…I’m left with questioning myself. It’s not like all the world knows and I just have to suck it up. But when I’m invited to events and I RSVP for one…or show as a single in a place full of adults…it just feels awkward. Few people know the details of this long distance thing…but even they seem to “forget” I’m dating someone, and regularly attempt to connect me to sorts of men. 

It’s OK to want and even need definitions and labels. Your relationship isn’t for other people. But neither does it have to be a secret or undefined to the people around you. If you commit yourself to someone make sure you’re dating that person regularly and they’re committed to you, and all intents and purposes are absolute clear. You don’t want to look like a fool at any point should you be the more lovey dovey partner and want to be openly affectionate, whether online or in real life. There’s nothing more embarrassing than being publicly rejected, or to be subjected to watch other people openly flirt with your partner as if you aren’t there. Which means either they really don’t know about you or they don’t care…because your partner hasn’t created clear and concrete boundaries. People treat you how your partner speaks of you…if at all.

Annnd lastly, it’s absolutely OK to ‘not date’ or have any type of relationship with someone if you don’t see a future with them or cannot define absolute exclusivity — whether til tomorrow or years from today.

Soul Clearing: Sweat and Swear

​​There are absolute stressful and despairing moments during soul clearing in which you’re grappling at the external environment because some shit you don’t need (but thought you needed) is being taken from you. It’s almost primitive behavior in which you fight so hard to rationalize this need to stay in a cave as the water is raising higher…knowing you can’t swim. 
That’s that system fragmentation I often talk about.




You don’t want to entertain the thought of leaving…not to find safer ground…but JUST THE THOUGHT OF NOT KNOWING IF THERE *IS* SAFER GROUND. This is evidence that you are still in your own mind, to NOT THINK AND KNOW THAT WHERE YOU ARE, CAN AND WILL KILL YOU. If you don’t know and don’t want to let go–get out–while you can WALK. 
This ain’t no bag of cookies and makeup. This is sweat and swear work!



SOUL CLEARING will pull you OUT your own mind and uncover the FIRST mind. It is not a new mind..it is the FIRST thought and it will reshape your mind back into and of itself. So not only will you be removed from the cave, there is a twinkling moment (I call it the voice/hand of god), in which you will find yourself in a completely different location. 
This process will happen several times throughout your lifetime. 



This is my third wave…but I’ve done multiple simulations…I swear I’m going to “drown”…but my follow through is getting better. One time I just kept falling and was reaching for anything…but there was nothingness closing in…then it became so cold…there was some fear…I couldn’t speak…so I spoke in my mind to be released…and I felt the whishing of being pulled up. Yeah…I wasn’t so sure about that one…that wasn’t me. 
So anyway…what’s the purpose of it all…? 



I wish I knew..but if you have to go to school you may as well learn the lessons…and be damn good at them!
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