Hey y’all this Sunday rising is a rather mind-sobering mood..I’m not complaining, it’s a good thing.
I’m out here like Father for(e)give me for being an asshole and not wearing my glasses that time. I pressured myself to pre-form…when I wasn’t even ready. Most people take their glasses off to see, I have to put mine on. That’s how I see what my father wants me to SEE.
Y’all ever did that? Engage in something prematurely? How could you not see the real horizon through the mirage in your face? Because you weren’t wearing your glasses…your righted mind! Your awareness and insight was off course!
In the future, wait. Give it another 24 hours. Let the heatwave simmer down.
Self Foregiveness and Self Responsibility have been my theme this month. My father god reminded me this rising about a discussion we had back on 12/20/12 in the Great Room. Sometimes we have to go back to the basics, no matter how far we’ve come.
Oddly, during that same sleep work, I saw the sun explode. So many people were burned up. I wasn’t and I walked right through the fire and falling ambers. THAT event was rather symbolic because my life HAD changed from that night forward. The process of Self-Healing had begun. As with anything else, the more of yourself you give to your DARKSelf, the better of your LIGHTSelf you will receive back. God’s remedy to heal any suffering soul, broken spirit, worn or broken heart, and any phase of a relationship is a process to be worked at with discipline:
–REVELATION: Opening oneself up to review of his/her faults and/or negative beings; their transgressions.
-REALIZATION: Now knowing and acknowledging to his/her transgressions and accepts his/her responsibility and role he/she played in revealed transgressions.
–FORGIVENESS: Asking for forgiveness unto ones God-Head is perhaps the most important part of healing. The bowing of the head acknowledges that one has realized and is sorry for their transgression against others and/or Self. Forgiveness is a confirmation of agreement with Self and/or between two or more beings, to move forward and no longer hold Self or others in a place of negative vibrations; or contempt nor condemnation.
Make a lovely day.
I would hate for anybody to assume that I hate them just cause I don’t engage anymore. I’m a fore-giving person. However, fore-giving doesn’t mean makeup and move forward.
Foregiveness means I’m giving myself CLOSURE to ANY situation that is proving to be be counter-productive to my goals and desires, to my integrity, beFORE I fuck up any further. My fore-giving is about ME. Just like the rest of whatever I got going on. Why would I dwell in darkness, harm my own wellness and hand someone else my healing?
My foregiving is about me. This is not some thing y’all gonna hear a common person say. I’m not common…this is why its so easy for me to share. I don’t worry about not being me. I just be me…in whatever capacity. Be you. If you have some shit to get out your chest in order to be you…do that. Your heart..do that…your mind…do that…your body…do that. And do it as quickly as possible. So you can have closure amd move in the next best thing.
Living your best life is not getting a thing and showing it off. Living your best life is a process of waking up, taking responsibility for your energy ouput and intake, overcoming the mis-takes, foregiving yourself, and enjoying the successes of whatever comes out of it at the time. It going to happen over and over through your life!
If you leave your foregiving and healing up to others, they will never let it go. They will never let YOU let it go…and they will work at tarnishing your character and always attempt to make themselves look good by making you look bad. And you shouldn’t have to spend good energy convincing other people that your not that bad. If someone of fucking with you, it’s because they’re afraid of you. That’s it, plain and simple.
I’m the confidante to several persons who lack the ability to foregive themselves. And believe me, it’s heavy shit. But I’M here for me…and people see that, and trust me to be there for them. As much as I share, I’m still a very private person.
Foregiving is for YOU to move ON with YOUR life…not forward with the bullshit packed away.
I had a conversation with an associate…we talked about be single for very long times and how we view ourselves and the kind of relationships we’ve had that caused us to become single, and where are we going now. She recently got back into a relationship…I asked her what is it based on this time, she seemed puzzled. I asked her what their goals are together, she looked at me like “What goals??”
THAT is the next phase I’m going into…as much as humans say marriage is not a goal. Marriage is a goal like any other. And within the marriage are goals that the two people agreed to achieve together. There are people out there who move blindly(seeing what pops up along the way), and there are people who move consciously(creating what they desire along the way). Four seasons suffices to know whether you want to marry a person or not..whether you want to achieve longtime goals with them or not.
Too many sisters fall back into the okkee doke of “It’s been a long time, I’m lonely.” Sex is such a common base that it’s mistaken as a necessary aspect to bond two people…clearly the result is “baby mama/dada” syndrome…it never bonds anything but bodies and fluids. There are only two goals in sex…babies and orgasm. And then play house until one of you catch afire for another body somewhere. Believe I know it. I’m qualified to talk about it. A year is long enough to know whether you’re dating a selfless person or a selfish person. Why? Because selfish people don’t have patience anymore like they use to..if you aint got it or ain’t giving it, they’ll get it somewhere else. And they’ll tell you that! After a year the veil begins to thin into the truth…not what they want you to see…but the TRUTH. And sometimes the truth can be ugly! A lot of selfless people are dating some ugly people! But you ask them..and their ugly man/woman is the most beautiful thing in the world! That’s some strong wool in their mind.
Not to mention the reality shows showing sistahs beating the bloody hell out of each other to be with some dusty male who believes he benefits from his “hoes” unconscious idiocy. Two years and more is too long to fake the funk…the signs are too easy to see when you’ve become conscious. Four seasons is long enough to ask the ultimate question to the brother, “Where are we going from here?”
Right now for me, I’m dodging traffic… I’m conscious enough to see bullshit coming…conscious enough to hear what I can’t see coming. Conscious enough to step back when there’s too much of everything or nothing going on. No rush, I can always chill and write about it. In our reapings are the conscious wisdoms of the ignorance we sowed. If we’re seeking to cross the street, we have to acknowledge what we’re crossing from, lest we think it’s something different only to find out it’s the same thing.
We’re not to call on God to escape from life but help us to consciously grow into our better and best selves.
The greatest love I ever had was the love I could not see. When I felt detached I thought it a dream and fought to see what I could not feel.
But I forgot in all the time I searched to see, I was losing the feeling inside of me. And looked to fill the emptiness with a veil of pretentious.
This whole thing isn’t about moving forward in so much as it is letting go. We can’t take it with us if it ain’t us. Accepting that pains us.
We know better when we get here. Then we forget. Then we remember. We go back. Then come back and then realize we can’t take it back with us.
You don’t know gut wrenching pain until you realize you separated yourself from GodSpirit. But to hear your ancestors did the same. Forgive it.
I went into a light chamber last night. I was singing the pain away, and calling Jesus between breaths. I FELT the song I sang in every fiber of my being. It was my song-the more I let go the greater I sang!
It felt like my soul was being sucked with every note I belted out. The depths of my soul was being cleansed. There was a bed there, but I couldn’t lie down, I was too caught up in my spirit.
When you finally sing your own song, you’ll understand-the only way TO survive is in the spirit. You’ll be yourself-in a different light-of your truth.
God is light. God is love.