I “dreamed” last night that the water was coming up on shore….the house I was in was being covered in black dirt by some black worker men. I heard a man say “We’re preparing against the storm coming.”
I went to the top floor and looked out the window and the water was coming… there was nothing left.
I saw that there was only one other house that was covered it had a light coming from it. What I saw all I could say was JESUS! My heart skipped a beat and thumped and I fell back from the window.
I had a conversation with an associate…we talked about be single for very long times and how we view ourselves and the kind of relationships we’ve had that caused us to become single, and where are we going now. She recently got back into a relationship…I asked her what is it based on this time, she seemed puzzled. I asked her what their goals are together, she looked at me like “What goals??”
THAT is the next phase I’m going into…as much as humans say marriage is not a goal. Marriage is a goal like any other. And within the marriage are goals that the two people agreed to achieve together. There are people out there who move blindly(seeing what pops up along the way), and there are people who move consciously(creating what they desire along the way). Four seasons suffices to know whether you want to marry a person or not..whether you want to achieve longtime goals with them or not.
Too many sisters fall back into the okkee doke of “It’s been a long time, I’m lonely.” Sex is such a common base that it’s mistaken as a necessary aspect to bond two people…clearly the result is “baby mama/dada” syndrome…it never bonds anything but bodies and fluids. There are only two goals in sex…babies and orgasm. And then play house until one of you catch afire for another body somewhere. Believe I know it. I’m qualified to talk about it. A year is long enough to know whether you’re dating a selfless person or a selfish person. Why? Because selfish people don’t have patience anymore like they use to..if you aint got it or ain’t giving it, they’ll get it somewhere else. And they’ll tell you that! After a year the veil begins to thin into the truth…not what they want you to see…but the TRUTH. And sometimes the truth can be ugly! A lot of selfless people are dating some ugly people! But you ask them..and their ugly man/woman is the most beautiful thing in the world! That’s some strong wool in their mind.
Not to mention the reality shows showing sistahs beating the bloody hell out of each other to be with some dusty male who believes he benefits from his “hoes” unconscious idiocy. Two years and more is too long to fake the funk…the signs are too easy to see when you’ve become conscious. Four seasons is long enough to ask the ultimate question to the brother, “Where are we going from here?”
Right now for me, I’m dodging traffic… I’m conscious enough to see bullshit coming…conscious enough to hear what I can’t see coming. Conscious enough to step back when there’s too much of everything or nothing going on. No rush, I can always chill and write about it. In our reapings are the conscious wisdoms of the ignorance we sowed. If we’re seeking to cross the street, we have to acknowledge what we’re crossing from, lest we think it’s something different only to find out it’s the same thing.
We’re not to call on God to escape from life but help us to consciously grow into our better and best selves.
I think some people serve a God without details and still others serve details without God…if only many people knew how limited they are by focusing on trying not to sin as oppose to simply serving in the better part of themselves and others. I feel some type of way when someone focuses so hard on not sinning (missing the mark) that they don’t realize they never actually live for the hits…the good hits of life. When a person presumes to know where you are in your life in Christ by measuring where their self is…is a sin…a miss…every time. One thing I learned directly from God is “Only God judges all man fairly.”
When I get into the truth of my religious experience (which is different for everyone while the core heart purpose may be the same) people go into denial and onto the notion of telling me what SHOULD be happening while ignoring what IS happening. That’s where false judgement comes in…and the whole “that’s the devil tricking you” or “did you take your meds you sound crazy”. Honestly it causes me to stall or chug along in hesitation–not fully express.
I thank God for being in my life…for being my life. For allowing me in the capacity that I am to travel to other dimensions and interact with all kinds of beings (that would shock some people to white hair) We all get low in our thinking/being daily…we’re human. But the heart…no man knows our hearts…and it is with our hearts that we serve the universe religiously.
If tomorrow this planet rolled over I wouldn’t care…that doesn’t mean I’m going to neglect the life that I am living right now or purposely be poor so not to feel guilt that others don’t have or not beautify myself to make others feel beautiful. I’d be denying my life and every one of my cocurrent states and every possibility of growing or moving pass the point I stand today…! You see some people don’t want you to grow..they tell you you’re here to live, obey your government, work and die. And hey if you believe it you can achieve it!
I’m continuously uplifting and part of uplifting yourself is you gotta leave your sad stories and your abusive stories and your lonely stories alone. Let the dead bury the dead. So in serving humanity and others religiously we can relate to others but we don’t have to get low with them…and open ourselves to reflect others sins. Because its not us! We can tell our GOOD stories and keep telling them..how we’ve grown and learn to keep growing and enjoy the fruit of our labor. Think about it, if we all keep telling the same stories around and around who’s really growing anywhere out of the “program”?
Check in with God see where you’re at and grow some more but you don’t have to accept being reminded of your sin/s by anyone. Put them type out your life and let the dead bury the dead. Because you…we are living our truths from where WE each are…not from where peoples judgements lie. Knowing all I know, I’m very much infected by human thought viruses. And if I’m not constantly checking in with God, I become sickened mentally and physically. I was made aware of such last night. That I’m somewhat of a lightening rod for selfish and needy humans. A place where they can take and not give. That person understood me to the dot in “i”.
No two sins are alike. My sin is that in caring for others and about how they receive my care and messages…I tend to hold back God in sharing the details. When in all universal honestly, it is God that I need–to be able to give and be replenished without being rendered weakened and sick for lengths of time. Getting caught up in work was my excuse. But there are really no excuses are there? The very thing we are caught up in is the very think God can help us manage and still serve our higher purpose. We all can make time to check in with God. Where are you missing the mark in your life?
I was told last night to “Let it go and let God flow all through it!” I am glad someone told me…cause while I often tell others and myself…I needed to hear it from another like myself–God sent a confirmation. God loves me…and God loves you. God is working on me and I’m grateful. And still I serve. Hopes in that this passage will help you in some area of your life. Bless
Don’t Hold It Against Me
by Hurit Nititka
Don’t hold it against me…
because it’s evident that by our truths we are not all created equal.
For him…
the color of his skin automatically gets him in, whatever he wants,
no questions asked accept, what denomination would like your money in?
For her…
birth should be beautiful but instead they say… look at you, what did you do, you just ruined your life.
It would’ve been acceptable had he made you his wife.
For him…
a mistake cost him dearly, now he’s locked upstate,
moms kept warning him to stop….not hard enough,
cause his siblings was hungry, and shit got tough.
He knew the risks and still tried his luck.
For her…
family denied her cause she wouldn’t abort
so she moved in with him and the first night they fought,
and the second night, the third night and the fourth.
He beat her so bad she now has a limp, a flinch and nervous cough.
He suddenly lost his job and now she carryin’ TWO kids, and she thinkin’,
would it really have been different if we first got married?
And him…
he got struggles but they can’t see through the lives he juggle.
Best at his game, best at his lies, he thinks if he fuck enough girls…
they won’t know he like guys.
And them…
they all looks, fucked in all kind of industries, then made a milli…off a book.
But you know what?
If they get fucked hard to the soul they can live their dream,
they finer than pimps in suits sellin’ their scheme.
And you…
talent for sell…momma said do something better with ya life…
but you didn’t…o well.
A hundred bitches, a hundred lives, and a hundred thousand dollar rides, sir just sign there…
yeah right there on the dotted line.
Now, what denomination would you like your loan in?
So don’t hold it against me for seeing the evidence that our truths are not all created equal.
Black Hole
by Hurit Nitika
Consumed by all and nothing…
Highest greatest widest deepest fullest vessel…NOTHINGNESS.
Nothing IS.
IT is nothing…
until it is born.
Nothing bears all…thought time space matter…
…and nothing.
I was before
I AM.
I will…
…again
be
Nothingness…and all.
Forever.
Sadie and Maud
by Gwendolyn Brooks
Maud went to college.
Sadie stayed at home.
Sadie scraped life
with a fine-tooth comb.
She didn’t leave a tangle in.
Her comb found every strand.
Sadie was one of the livingest chits
in all the land.
Sadie bore two babies
under her maiden name.
Maud and Ma and Papa
nearly died of shame.
When Sadie said last so-long
Her girls struck out from home.
(Sadie had left as heritage
Her fine-tooth comb.)
Maud, who went to college,
is a thin brown mouse.
She is living all alone
In this old house.
Problem: I end up in fear every time I plan to go to the dance club. I plan with people and then as the day is coming closer I think of reasons not to go. I think about my responsibilities at home, my family, my job, what the people at the club will be doing, and what if something goes wrong. Then on the day of, I literally get an anxiety attack, and that becomes my excuse not to go. Then I feel safe again when the time has passed.
As a result, I’ve lost a lot of friends. Is this all in my head or should I really stay away from party clubs? I really do want to be social, make new friends, and have a good time while being responsible.
Solution: You are suffering with inner imbalance. Your external environment seeks to transform your inner peace, while your higher awareness is trying to maintain your inner peace.
What you fear is going “back” to where you use to be and what you use to do…and finding out that people haven’t changed.
Whatever is on that frequency, the people, plants, animals, is because their vibrations match that particular frequency. They are “locked” in that frequency, until they are ready to change. Your fear is actually an indication that you’ve grown or matured beyond that frequency. Your “present” vibrations are contrasting with your “past” frequencies, which never actually go anywhere, you just grow beyond them. Your fear, which is in fact a healthy signal, is telling you to be aware that something is not right between your inner state and in your external environment.
Humans are much like weather systems within a greater system. Sometimes before a pouring rain, is thunder and lightening. Thunder and lightening is caused by two very different temperament systems coming in contact with each other, so it is within humans. Within you may be a peaceful vibration, and going into certain external vibrations can cause an unbalance in your being, thus the anxiety. The external vibrations are seeking to occupy and take over the same internal space, thus creating your thunder and lightening. The result will be a high or low, or happiness or unhappiness.
You are experiencing an internal/external “battle” within your mpral conscious mind. This “battle” causes unbalance in your whole being, which for many people, can result in mental and/or physical illness, if they are unaware of their inner unbalance.
If you listen to your vibrations warnings and take the steps necessary to redirect your thoughts early, you can void “falling” back into old ways–lower frequencies.
Instead of fighting with yourself about having a good time in old places, try something new…something different than what you did before. Meet new people where you are. Your goal is to enjoy your new life responsibly while being at peace within yourself, and being happy where you are and with the people you are around.
