SELF-DETERMINATION: Relationship Goals: Where Are We Going?

I had a conversation with an associate…we talked about be single for very long times and how we view ourselves and the kind of relationships we’ve had that caused us to become single, and where are we going now. She recently got back into a relationship…I asked her what is it based on this time, she seemed puzzled. I asked her what their goals are together, she looked at me like “What goals??”

THAT is the next phase I’m going into…as much as humans say marriage is not a goal. Marriage is a goal like any other. And within the marriage are goals that the two people agreed to achieve together. There are people out there who move blindly(seeing what pops up along the way), and there are people who move consciously(creating what they desire along the way). Four seasons suffices to know whether you want to marry a person or not..whether you want to achieve longtime goals with them or not.

Too many sisters fall back into the okkee doke of “It’s been a long time, I’m lonely.” Sex is such a common base that it’s mistaken as a necessary aspect to bond two people…clearly the result is “baby mama/dada” syndrome…it never bonds anything but bodies and fluids. There are only two goals in sex…babies and orgasm. And then play house until one of you catch afire for another body somewhere. Believe I know it. I’m qualified to talk about it. A year is long enough to know whether you’re dating a selfless person or a selfish person. Why? Because selfish people don’t have patience anymore like they use to..if you aint got it or ain’t giving it, they’ll get it somewhere else. And they’ll tell you that! After a year the veil begins to thin into the truth…not what they want you to see…but the TRUTH. And sometimes the truth can be ugly! A lot of selfless people are dating some ugly people! But you ask them..and their ugly man/woman is the most beautiful thing in the world! That’s some strong wool in their mind.

Not to mention the reality shows showing sistahs beating the bloody hell out of each other to be with some dusty male who believes he benefits from his “hoes” unconscious idiocy. Two years and more is too long to fake the funk…the signs are too easy to see when you’ve become conscious. Four seasons is long enough to ask the ultimate question to the brother, “Where are we going from here?” 

Right now for me, I’m dodging traffic… I’m conscious enough to see bullshit coming…conscious enough to hear what I can’t see coming. Conscious enough to step back when there’s too much of everything or nothing going on. No rush, I can always chill and write about it. In our reapings are the conscious wisdoms of the ignorance we sowed. If we’re seeking to cross the street, we have to acknowledge what we’re crossing from, lest we think it’s something different only to find out it’s the same thing.

We’re not to call on God to escape from life but help us to consciously grow into our better and best selves.

Willful Relationships: I Love You Now Change

Sistahs…the hardest thing for many of us to admit is….”It’s ME!” Ok granted your man/boyfriend/husband actually is being “wrong” toward you—in any way that wrong may be described. You must realize it is YOU who keeps his negative flow fed; you continually tolerate the pain caused to you (physical, emotional, mental, financial) by allowing what he is doing “wrong” to live in your energy aura. In other words it’s YOU!

Your partner is going to be who he is until he learns to know better AND be better…and he’s going to do what he does…until he learns to do AND does better. Fault lies in the person who thinks they know a person better than that person knows them self…and attempts to change them. You’re implying that there is something wrong with him in the first place. Not the man God sent you…no way!!! (slanted)

What you attempt to see and bring out of them, you must first see and bring out of your self. In other words, for every wrong you see in him, what is it about yourself that limits your thinking to a negative state?

People don’t change according to OUR will— unless they fear us by some distress or threatening state we place them in. Who’s to say even still we are experiencing their truth? How many times have you heard of the prisoner to writes a “confession” under forced pressure? You can try to force someone to “stay” with you but for so long–eventually truth will split from the lie, leaving the lie exposed to address itself.

Who wants to live in a fear-filled relationship disguised as Love when in company of others (who are blind to truth)…but behind closed doors…o boy…you’re tearing his head off about every little thing? From him looking at other humans with his own two eyes…to the tone in which he said hello to someone. Where is the freedom to love and BE as each human with their own will?

SO we can scream and fuss and cry and pout and ask everyone between humans and heaven, “Why won’t he change?!!!” He won’t change even when he does…because YOU haven’t changed in order to see the change in him.

And he’ll move forward without you…because you still harp on his old ways and therefore cannot see the good in him…because you can no longer see your own good. You’re too busy fussing, being angry, and picking fights. You don’t trust him…because you don’t trust yourself. You hate him…because you’ve grown to hate yourself.

And if he does continue to transgress against you, you grow more into contempt, when you really should let go. Letting go is a strong message to ANYONE who hurts you. It says, “I love you but not enough to hurt myself for you.”

SO–your prayer was answered—and he did change…but so did you—for worse. How’s that working out for you where you’re at?