SELF-DETERMINATION: Relationship Goals: Where Are We Going?

I had a conversation with an associate…we talked about be single for very long times and how we view ourselves and the kind of relationships we’ve had that caused us to become single, and where are we going now. She recently got back into a relationship…I asked her what is it based on this time, she seemed puzzled. I asked her what their goals are together, she looked at me like “What goals??”

THAT is the next phase I’m going into…as much as humans say marriage is not a goal. Marriage is a goal like any other. And within the marriage are goals that the two people agreed to achieve together. There are people out there who move blindly(seeing what pops up along the way), and there are people who move consciously(creating what they desire along the way). Four seasons suffices to know whether you want to marry a person or not..whether you want to achieve longtime goals with them or not.

Too many sisters fall back into the okkee doke of “It’s been a long time, I’m lonely.” Sex is such a common base that it’s mistaken as a necessary aspect to bond two people…clearly the result is “baby mama/dada” syndrome…it never bonds anything but bodies and fluids. There are only two goals in sex…babies and orgasm. And then play house until one of you catch afire for another body somewhere. Believe I know it. I’m qualified to talk about it. A year is long enough to know whether you’re dating a selfless person or a selfish person. Why? Because selfish people don’t have patience anymore like they use to..if you aint got it or ain’t giving it, they’ll get it somewhere else. And they’ll tell you that! After a year the veil begins to thin into the truth…not what they want you to see…but the TRUTH. And sometimes the truth can be ugly! A lot of selfless people are dating some ugly people! But you ask them..and their ugly man/woman is the most beautiful thing in the world! That’s some strong wool in their mind.

Not to mention the reality shows showing sistahs beating the bloody hell out of each other to be with some dusty male who believes he benefits from his “hoes” unconscious idiocy. Two years and more is too long to fake the funk…the signs are too easy to see when you’ve become conscious. Four seasons is long enough to ask the ultimate question to the brother, “Where are we going from here?” 

Right now for me, I’m dodging traffic… I’m conscious enough to see bullshit coming…conscious enough to hear what I can’t see coming. Conscious enough to step back when there’s too much of everything or nothing going on. No rush, I can always chill and write about it. In our reapings are the conscious wisdoms of the ignorance we sowed. If we’re seeking to cross the street, we have to acknowledge what we’re crossing from, lest we think it’s something different only to find out it’s the same thing.

We’re not to call on God to escape from life but help us to consciously grow into our better and best selves.

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Self-Healing: Reflection, Acceptance, Placement, Healing

Have you ever been in a situation where you’re in some sort of pain, and tears keep coming up to the rim of your eyelids? As overwhelming the pain you’re feeling is, you really don’t want to cry in public (whether it’s of embarrassment or inappropriate timing), so you look up toward the sky and swallow your tears…and your spirit groans quietly. And you do this repeatedly while you dwell in feeling sorry and pity for yourself.

I’ve been in that position as well. In fact, it was very recent. It seems my relationships with friends of years are coming to abrupt emotionally painful ends; AND even frenzy among my family members. If it’s not me pulling painfully pulling myself away, it’s someone painfully pushing me away. I even notice it on a global scale; via media and/or witnessing sudden fights break out between strangers, over something so little as, one is offended for being cut in front of on a boarding bus line.

Not to deviate, but I believe there’s a grander event going on—to humanity as a whole. With all of the universal and planetary upsetting which as been happening in greater and stronger waves, relations of all sorts are being tried and measured for “heart-felt” authenticity–true love. True love knows no pain. All that is in LIKENESS frequencies and vibrations are being “rearranged” back unto their true placement, or state of being.

It kinds of reminds me of a big ball of string. It only becomes more messy and more tightened as it gets toward the center. Take heed, the chaos does get smaller and eventually disappear; with a touch of love and patience—and possibly woven into something more beautiful, based in that same loving patience, in peace.

Back to the purpose of this article. How to Self-Heal. What I discovered throughout all of my painful “breakups” was that it’s really hard for me to talk to other people about my TRUE feelings. People cringe when others expel emotions from the heart. Not everyone is heart-centered. So, what happens when you’re in emotional pain and it appears there’s no one there with a shoulder to cry on? Go within, and heal your own self.

Indeed yes! Think about it. Even if there was someone with a good strong shoulder (or ear), they will not feel the core of your pain—everyone has a empathetic limit (unless they’re a glutton for pain, then you should be questioning your sudden energy loss whenever they leave your presence. Those are empathic vampyres). Even when an animal is treated for physical wounds—the treatment is limited to cleansing and a dressing. The animal methodically licks itself to aid in its own healing.

We humans are somewhat similar in addressing our emotional issues. In order relieve pain, we habitually do one of two things (some people do both depending on circumstances). One is, dwell in self-pity, not necessarily needing another’s presence, but the more people the more pity. Yes, they have a pity-party (a form of narcissism).

The other common habit is, convincing themselves and everyone around them that they fine, while attributing sudden breakdowns to work or home related stress, depending where they’re at during such a state. Many people have “made it work” on those habits, and others for years.

Another self-neglectful habit comes to mind; emotional eating. Eating until the pain is forgotten. This method usually, unbeknownst to the self, involves eating dull neutral-colored foods when alone, ie. ice cream, cookies, chips—and brightly colored foods when in company, ie decorative foods, cheeses, breads, and fast foods.

Self-healing begins by accepting that you’re wounded in some sort of way. It’s ok to have pain and cry, wince or whimper. In fact, in one of those are good signs. You’re acknowledging that you’re uncomfortable in some sort of way.
Pain definitely does not make people feel good. And one can “put on face” but for so long. Ego loves pain. It needs someone to blame outside ourselves. Pain can be and is used as an emotional crutch.

Pain lasts no longer than your willingness to accept it and then place yourself in position/s to overcome it—and do. Self-healing works. Since we must interact with other people in this world, we will experience many different degrees of pain from time to time; those being emotional, physical, mental, psychological, and neglect.

Self-healing brings about some beneficial self-upliftments. You’ll gain in the ability to accept responsibility for un/intentional pain, to yourself and/or others. You’ll embrace the want to forgive without condemnation. Not only will you begin to develop clearer foresight and insight, but also the time it takes you to heal may become lessened with regular practice. You’ll even feel more confidence to be able to approach new experiences without triggering painful memories; some you may even forget!

It’s important to make Self-healing a regular practice. Just like we attract positive energies, we can and do accumulate negative energies; and in most cases, the longer one neglects their well-being, the harder it can be to heal old wounds. So practice these powerful keys; reflection, acceptance, placement, and healing—often. Until they become a way of life.

My healing self is becoming me, so I’m not just talking to talk, but I’m walking the walk. As I clear away the grand illusion of pain-dependency and self-neglect, a newness is becoming more and more revealed in me. And I see myself happy in this newness. So as things may be coming up in degrees of chaos, I feel like I already overcame it all; I’m just working on the details. Bless

SELF-REFLECTION: The purpose of this key is to realize and review our thoughts and actions, without becoming stuck, or self-judging. Our goal is to learn from them, where we neglected obvious signs or moved in unawareness (without beating ourselves up). From our mistakes, we are able to learn to activate more constructive thoughts and beings in our lives.

ACCEPTANCE: This key unlocks the ability for one to be able and do take responsibility for any thoughts or actions in which the result/s did not come in accord with the betterment of self and/or others.

PLACEMENT: This key is very important, not necessarily more important than the others-they all work in conjunction. I mean very important in a sense of, how important is it to you that you begin self-healing RIGHT NOW. This key actually opens up “portals” to what ever place it is that you feel you need to be to begin removing the pain out of yourself. Many people don’t consciously realize when they’re in placement-state; they often try to busy themselves out of one thing and move busily into another. That is very distracting.

I will explain placement by example. Say you want to purge of a failed relationship. Do you tend to keep looking at photos and old texts, and/or other items of that person— and think , cry, think, and cry harder, then fall asleep in memory lane—only to wake up feeling crashed?

You may have REFLECTED on where you went wrong, and you’ve ACCEPTED that the relationship is over. However, you continue to hold THINGS in order to hold onto memories in pity. PLACEMENT is committing to yourself to be able to LET GO and move forward. Clearing your space (your room, home, office, etc.) of memoranda PLACES you farther from pain and closer to healing. That was the portal!

The act of clearing rearranges your energies to begin healing. Some people need to travel physically to clear and some meditate to clear. Just be committed to continue moving forward—with a knowing that the pain will pass.

HEALING: Most people would think healing is to simply feel better; I did too. But get this! Healing IS to feel better; but it is also to KNOW better in order to DO better in order to BE better! You’re not in unnecessary pain anymore. You know what it is and you know what processes of self-neglect and/or unawareness took you there. You now know, by practicing insight, foresight, and self-awareness, you can do more constructive activities, empowering yourself to be a better person—to live being a healed person.

Bravo! We are a team aren’t we! And if you read to this far…I know you had some uncomfortable moments, some “o my goodness that’s me” moments, some “this is some good stuff!” moments. But most of all, my goal is to enlighten you to something about yourself that you may not have been aware of. YOU have the power to heal yourself! I encourage you to love yourself and uplift yourself, encourage yourself, and have regular communion with God. This raises your energy vibrations into a higher love; a joyous and healthy love. God bless you!