Self Reflection: Don’t Hold It Against Me

Don’t Hold It Against Me

by Hurit Nititka

 

Don’t hold it against me…

because it’s evident that by our truths we are not all created equal.

 

For him…

the color of his skin automatically gets him in, whatever he wants,

no questions asked accept, what denomination would like your money in?

 

For her…

birth should be beautiful but instead they say… look at you, what did you do, you just ruined your life.

It would’ve been acceptable had he made you his wife.

 

For him…

a mistake cost him dearly, now he’s locked upstate,

moms kept warning him to stop….not hard enough,

cause his siblings was hungry, and shit got tough.

He knew the risks and still tried his luck.

 

For her…

family denied her cause she wouldn’t abort

so she moved in with him and the first night they fought,

and the second night, the third night and the fourth.

He beat her so bad she now has a limp, a flinch and nervous cough.

He suddenly lost his job and now she carryin’ TWO kids, and she thinkin’,

would it really have been different if we first got married?

 

And him…

he got struggles but they can’t see through the lives he juggle.

Best at his game, best at his lies, he thinks if he fuck enough girls…

they won’t know he like guys.

 

And them…

they all looks, fucked in all kind of industries, then made a milli…off a book.

But you know what?

If they get fucked hard to the soul they can live their dream,

they finer than pimps in suits sellin’ their scheme.

 

And you…

talent for sell…momma said do something better with ya life…

but you didn’t…o well.

A hundred bitches, a hundred lives, and a hundred thousand dollar rides, sir just sign there…

yeah right there on the dotted line.

Now, what denomination would you like your loan in?

 

So don’t hold it against me for seeing the evidence that our truths are not all created equal.

Willful Relationships: I Love You Now Change

Sistahs…the hardest thing for many of us to admit is….”It’s ME!” Ok granted your man/boyfriend/husband actually is being “wrong” toward you—in any way that wrong may be described. You must realize it is YOU who keeps his negative flow fed; you continually tolerate the pain caused to you (physical, emotional, mental, financial) by allowing what he is doing “wrong” to live in your energy aura. In other words it’s YOU!

Your partner is going to be who he is until he learns to know better AND be better…and he’s going to do what he does…until he learns to do AND does better. Fault lies in the person who thinks they know a person better than that person knows them self…and attempts to change them. You’re implying that there is something wrong with him in the first place. Not the man God sent you…no way!!! (slanted)

What you attempt to see and bring out of them, you must first see and bring out of your self. In other words, for every wrong you see in him, what is it about yourself that limits your thinking to a negative state?

People don’t change according to OUR will— unless they fear us by some distress or threatening state we place them in. Who’s to say even still we are experiencing their truth? How many times have you heard of the prisoner to writes a “confession” under forced pressure? You can try to force someone to “stay” with you but for so long–eventually truth will split from the lie, leaving the lie exposed to address itself.

Who wants to live in a fear-filled relationship disguised as Love when in company of others (who are blind to truth)…but behind closed doors…o boy…you’re tearing his head off about every little thing? From him looking at other humans with his own two eyes…to the tone in which he said hello to someone. Where is the freedom to love and BE as each human with their own will?

SO we can scream and fuss and cry and pout and ask everyone between humans and heaven, “Why won’t he change?!!!” He won’t change even when he does…because YOU haven’t changed in order to see the change in him.

And he’ll move forward without you…because you still harp on his old ways and therefore cannot see the good in him…because you can no longer see your own good. You’re too busy fussing, being angry, and picking fights. You don’t trust him…because you don’t trust yourself. You hate him…because you’ve grown to hate yourself.

And if he does continue to transgress against you, you grow more into contempt, when you really should let go. Letting go is a strong message to ANYONE who hurts you. It says, “I love you but not enough to hurt myself for you.”

SO–your prayer was answered—and he did change…but so did you—for worse. How’s that working out for you where you’re at?