Self Reflection: Don’t Hold It Against Me

Don’t Hold It Against Me

by Hurit Nititka

 

Don’t hold it against me…

because it’s evident that by our truths we are not all created equal.

 

For him…

the color of his skin automatically gets him in, whatever he wants,

no questions asked accept, what denomination would like your money in?

 

For her…

birth should be beautiful but instead they say… look at you, what did you do, you just ruined your life.

It would’ve been acceptable had he made you his wife.

 

For him…

a mistake cost him dearly, now he’s locked upstate,

moms kept warning him to stop….not hard enough,

cause his siblings was hungry, and shit got tough.

He knew the risks and still tried his luck.

 

For her…

family denied her cause she wouldn’t abort

so she moved in with him and the first night they fought,

and the second night, the third night and the fourth.

He beat her so bad she now has a limp, a flinch and nervous cough.

He suddenly lost his job and now she carryin’ TWO kids, and she thinkin’,

would it really have been different if we first got married?

 

And him…

he got struggles but they can’t see through the lives he juggle.

Best at his game, best at his lies, he thinks if he fuck enough girls…

they won’t know he like guys.

 

And them…

they all looks, fucked in all kind of industries, then made a milli…off a book.

But you know what?

If they get fucked hard to the soul they can live their dream,

they finer than pimps in suits sellin’ their scheme.

 

And you…

talent for sell…momma said do something better with ya life…

but you didn’t…o well.

A hundred bitches, a hundred lives, and a hundred thousand dollar rides, sir just sign there…

yeah right there on the dotted line.

Now, what denomination would you like your loan in?

 

So don’t hold it against me for seeing the evidence that our truths are not all created equal.

Willful Relationships: I Love You Now Change

Sistahs…the hardest thing for many of us to admit is….”It’s ME!” Ok granted your man/boyfriend/husband actually is being “wrong” toward you—in any way that wrong may be described. You must realize it is YOU who keeps his negative flow fed; you continually tolerate the pain caused to you (physical, emotional, mental, financial) by allowing what he is doing “wrong” to live in your energy aura. In other words it’s YOU!

Your partner is going to be who he is until he learns to know better AND be better…and he’s going to do what he does…until he learns to do AND does better. Fault lies in the person who thinks they know a person better than that person knows them self…and attempts to change them. You’re implying that there is something wrong with him in the first place. Not the man God sent you…no way!!! (slanted)

What you attempt to see and bring out of them, you must first see and bring out of your self. In other words, for every wrong you see in him, what is it about yourself that limits your thinking to a negative state?

People don’t change according to OUR will— unless they fear us by some distress or threatening state we place them in. Who’s to say even still we are experiencing their truth? How many times have you heard of the prisoner to writes a “confession” under forced pressure? You can try to force someone to “stay” with you but for so long–eventually truth will split from the lie, leaving the lie exposed to address itself.

Who wants to live in a fear-filled relationship disguised as Love when in company of others (who are blind to truth)…but behind closed doors…o boy…you’re tearing his head off about every little thing? From him looking at other humans with his own two eyes…to the tone in which he said hello to someone. Where is the freedom to love and BE as each human with their own will?

SO we can scream and fuss and cry and pout and ask everyone between humans and heaven, “Why won’t he change?!!!” He won’t change even when he does…because YOU haven’t changed in order to see the change in him.

And he’ll move forward without you…because you still harp on his old ways and therefore cannot see the good in him…because you can no longer see your own good. You’re too busy fussing, being angry, and picking fights. You don’t trust him…because you don’t trust yourself. You hate him…because you’ve grown to hate yourself.

And if he does continue to transgress against you, you grow more into contempt, when you really should let go. Letting go is a strong message to ANYONE who hurts you. It says, “I love you but not enough to hurt myself for you.”

SO–your prayer was answered—and he did change…but so did you—for worse. How’s that working out for you where you’re at?

The Light Overcomes All Illusion

I recalled when the world was much younger, matching my years; everybody was enjoying free will. The entertainment phase of that time boomed right when cable networking appeared. Food was splashed with msg and pretty colors, and the most addictive substance on the market, sugar, was sprinkled on and in everything. Folk were pulled out of nature and into their houses…to watch television…and eat. There was no such thing as recycling yet, and folk went wild with their imaginations; they wanted it, they got credit and they got it.

Nowadays, they’ve been “taught” to recycle their garbage and their beings; just throw away their feelings into the garbage. How else could they “protect” all they’ve acquired; even relationships?

Then came privacy and confidentiality. Privacy gives people a sense of hiding their THINGS and GOING-ONS from view of others. While confidentiality gives people a sense hiding the RESULT/CONSEQUENCE of what those THINGS and GOING-ONS have done to their/others lives. Anything from health, crimes,.habits, drugs, and even relationships and money (including lottery winners). It’s not all negatives.

Throwing away feelings throws away a sense of community. People have become just neighbors, and barely know each other; except to say hello should their eyes mistakenly meet. This is part reason why we who’ve been here all along, are coming to surface, are looked upon as “crazy” or “outsiders”. We say hello. We smile. We hug. We encourage. We notice. And noticing people, and giving compliments causes uncomfortibility—because feelings are stirred. Any heart-felt or spirited connection is abruptly disconnected.

Some of what happens in reference to trickery and formulating illusion on human minds, is sought through movies as entertainment; so they believe that if they didn’t see in the theater, on television or the news—“it ain’t true”. Humans are very suspicious of what’s not drenched in glitz and glamour and money.

In a music video I recently saw, a singer was drugged “into” buying a dream. Recalling my own experience, I thought, “Whew, I’m glad I didn’t do that!” So when I say I suffer because I’m determined, I mean it in the sense that I live in this world but not of it. I work for God. However, I can now easily see how that same statement plays out for the other team as well. I’ve had the opportunity on a few occasions, to have anything I can imagine, in this world. I refused every time. Because at the head of all in THIS world, is just man. I admit, I almost slipped up a few times, having had pen in hand, having been intimidated upon refusal. I’ve seen people I knew of here, over there, and I just think, “Just for THAT, she/he sold their soul??”

We feel tired sometimes being conductors “holding it together” for the sake of HOPING that ALL wake up soon. Now we’ve moved away from hope into FAITH; having increased numbers amongst ourSelves. Because we know the Light overcomes all darknesses.
Be blessed.

Self-Healing: Reflection, Acceptance, Placement, Healing

Have you ever been in a situation where you’re in some sort of pain, and tears keep coming up to the rim of your eyelids? As overwhelming the pain you’re feeling is, you really don’t want to cry in public (whether it’s of embarrassment or inappropriate timing), so you look up toward the sky and swallow your tears…and your spirit groans quietly. And you do this repeatedly while you dwell in feeling sorry and pity for yourself.

I’ve been in that position as well. In fact, it was very recent. It seems my relationships with friends of years are coming to abrupt emotionally painful ends; AND even frenzy among my family members. If it’s not me pulling painfully pulling myself away, it’s someone painfully pushing me away. I even notice it on a global scale; via media and/or witnessing sudden fights break out between strangers, over something so little as, one is offended for being cut in front of on a boarding bus line.

Not to deviate, but I believe there’s a grander event going on—to humanity as a whole. With all of the universal and planetary upsetting which as been happening in greater and stronger waves, relations of all sorts are being tried and measured for “heart-felt” authenticity–true love. True love knows no pain. All that is in LIKENESS frequencies and vibrations are being “rearranged” back unto their true placement, or state of being.

It kinds of reminds me of a big ball of string. It only becomes more messy and more tightened as it gets toward the center. Take heed, the chaos does get smaller and eventually disappear; with a touch of love and patience—and possibly woven into something more beautiful, based in that same loving patience, in peace.

Back to the purpose of this article. How to Self-Heal. What I discovered throughout all of my painful “breakups” was that it’s really hard for me to talk to other people about my TRUE feelings. People cringe when others expel emotions from the heart. Not everyone is heart-centered. So, what happens when you’re in emotional pain and it appears there’s no one there with a shoulder to cry on? Go within, and heal your own self.

Indeed yes! Think about it. Even if there was someone with a good strong shoulder (or ear), they will not feel the core of your pain—everyone has a empathetic limit (unless they’re a glutton for pain, then you should be questioning your sudden energy loss whenever they leave your presence. Those are empathic vampyres). Even when an animal is treated for physical wounds—the treatment is limited to cleansing and a dressing. The animal methodically licks itself to aid in its own healing.

We humans are somewhat similar in addressing our emotional issues. In order relieve pain, we habitually do one of two things (some people do both depending on circumstances). One is, dwell in self-pity, not necessarily needing another’s presence, but the more people the more pity. Yes, they have a pity-party (a form of narcissism).

The other common habit is, convincing themselves and everyone around them that they fine, while attributing sudden breakdowns to work or home related stress, depending where they’re at during such a state. Many people have “made it work” on those habits, and others for years.

Another self-neglectful habit comes to mind; emotional eating. Eating until the pain is forgotten. This method usually, unbeknownst to the self, involves eating dull neutral-colored foods when alone, ie. ice cream, cookies, chips—and brightly colored foods when in company, ie decorative foods, cheeses, breads, and fast foods.

Self-healing begins by accepting that you’re wounded in some sort of way. It’s ok to have pain and cry, wince or whimper. In fact, in one of those are good signs. You’re acknowledging that you’re uncomfortable in some sort of way.
Pain definitely does not make people feel good. And one can “put on face” but for so long. Ego loves pain. It needs someone to blame outside ourselves. Pain can be and is used as an emotional crutch.

Pain lasts no longer than your willingness to accept it and then place yourself in position/s to overcome it—and do. Self-healing works. Since we must interact with other people in this world, we will experience many different degrees of pain from time to time; those being emotional, physical, mental, psychological, and neglect.

Self-healing brings about some beneficial self-upliftments. You’ll gain in the ability to accept responsibility for un/intentional pain, to yourself and/or others. You’ll embrace the want to forgive without condemnation. Not only will you begin to develop clearer foresight and insight, but also the time it takes you to heal may become lessened with regular practice. You’ll even feel more confidence to be able to approach new experiences without triggering painful memories; some you may even forget!

It’s important to make Self-healing a regular practice. Just like we attract positive energies, we can and do accumulate negative energies; and in most cases, the longer one neglects their well-being, the harder it can be to heal old wounds. So practice these powerful keys; reflection, acceptance, placement, and healing—often. Until they become a way of life.

My healing self is becoming me, so I’m not just talking to talk, but I’m walking the walk. As I clear away the grand illusion of pain-dependency and self-neglect, a newness is becoming more and more revealed in me. And I see myself happy in this newness. So as things may be coming up in degrees of chaos, I feel like I already overcame it all; I’m just working on the details. Bless

SELF-REFLECTION: The purpose of this key is to realize and review our thoughts and actions, without becoming stuck, or self-judging. Our goal is to learn from them, where we neglected obvious signs or moved in unawareness (without beating ourselves up). From our mistakes, we are able to learn to activate more constructive thoughts and beings in our lives.

ACCEPTANCE: This key unlocks the ability for one to be able and do take responsibility for any thoughts or actions in which the result/s did not come in accord with the betterment of self and/or others.

PLACEMENT: This key is very important, not necessarily more important than the others-they all work in conjunction. I mean very important in a sense of, how important is it to you that you begin self-healing RIGHT NOW. This key actually opens up “portals” to what ever place it is that you feel you need to be to begin removing the pain out of yourself. Many people don’t consciously realize when they’re in placement-state; they often try to busy themselves out of one thing and move busily into another. That is very distracting.

I will explain placement by example. Say you want to purge of a failed relationship. Do you tend to keep looking at photos and old texts, and/or other items of that person— and think , cry, think, and cry harder, then fall asleep in memory lane—only to wake up feeling crashed?

You may have REFLECTED on where you went wrong, and you’ve ACCEPTED that the relationship is over. However, you continue to hold THINGS in order to hold onto memories in pity. PLACEMENT is committing to yourself to be able to LET GO and move forward. Clearing your space (your room, home, office, etc.) of memoranda PLACES you farther from pain and closer to healing. That was the portal!

The act of clearing rearranges your energies to begin healing. Some people need to travel physically to clear and some meditate to clear. Just be committed to continue moving forward—with a knowing that the pain will pass.

HEALING: Most people would think healing is to simply feel better; I did too. But get this! Healing IS to feel better; but it is also to KNOW better in order to DO better in order to BE better! You’re not in unnecessary pain anymore. You know what it is and you know what processes of self-neglect and/or unawareness took you there. You now know, by practicing insight, foresight, and self-awareness, you can do more constructive activities, empowering yourself to be a better person—to live being a healed person.

Bravo! We are a team aren’t we! And if you read to this far…I know you had some uncomfortable moments, some “o my goodness that’s me” moments, some “this is some good stuff!” moments. But most of all, my goal is to enlighten you to something about yourself that you may not have been aware of. YOU have the power to heal yourself! I encourage you to love yourself and uplift yourself, encourage yourself, and have regular communion with God. This raises your energy vibrations into a higher love; a joyous and healthy love. God bless you!