I usually log the wisdom of my experiences–but in recognizing this may just be a fleeting moment–in this case I chose to log it for the struggle it is.
Anyway I sat down somewhere and read a very good article..here goes…
“Intimacy is often times mistaken as physical closeness alone: hugging, cuddling, kissing, sex. However, if there is no emotional intimacy (as in emotional relating) and a feeling of safety in a relationship, then physical intimacy can only go that far.
In order to truly open up to a partner and go deep we need to feel safe and be able to share emotional intimacy, our fears, mistakes, and pains and receive each other with compassion and empathy.
For many people physical intimacy comes easier than emotional intimacy. For others it is the other way around. Often times people avoid emotional intimacy by focusing on physical intimacy, using sex to buffer up their vulnerability.
In order to be emotional intimate with a partner we need to be able to be intimate with ourselves, feeling our vulnerability without judgment and developing healthy self-love.
If we are not comfortable with our own vulnerability, we cannot receive the vulnerability of another person fully and emotional intimacy is blocked.
No matter how hot the sex and how great physical intimacy is, if we don’t develop or have emotional intimacy and the safety to express ourselves that way, a relationship can go only so far.
We need safety and healthy boundaries in order to establish intimacy on all levels. This safety is more than just feeling “secure” and boundaries don’t mean rejection or avoidance. It is about taking care of ourselves.
Our body gives us constantly clues about what is safe for us and what not. The more we are in touch with our bodies, the more we can receive these messages which also puts us in touch with our vulnerability.
It’s important to listen to these bodily sensations which go deeper than just sexual feelings. Most often they are buried under layers of “armor”.
It’s easy to rationalize these deeper sensations away, judging ourselves for not opening up when it doesn’t feel safe. Don’t listen to the mind, trust your body and don’t judge yourself for however you feel.
Emotional intimacy goes hand in hand with trust, knowing that we can be completely ourselves with all our vulnerability and always be received with compassion and empathy in a safe container by a partner.
But before we can receive another person like that ourselves, or even express ourselves that way, we must be able to to be compassionate with ourselves and love ourselves, the dark and light, neither inflating or diminishing ourselves.
Otherwise we will keep looking for the illusory partner, who never comes and whom we want to be a certain way, when in fact this is what we need to give to ourselves first.
Sometimes we’re looking for a “savior” in a partner unconsciously but it is a projection of what we have denied or avoided to give ourselves:
healthy self-love, vulnerability and inner safety.
Before we can develop deeper trust with a partner, we need to be able to trust ourselves and the deeper clues our bodies are giving us.
You are afraid of being intimate with yourselves – of being alone with the self.
Once you develop an intimacy, a silence, a self-love, and a containment of your energy, then you will want to make that aspect of intimacy your standard of intimacy with someone else.”
There’s nothing wrong with my thinking and I don’t think she meant “touch yourself”. I’m just attracted to a man who happens to be knowledgeable and seemingly compassionate about the same things as myself. Accept he’s in his own relationship. Big Bang! Look at life! Lol!
This is absurd, but there’s some human rule that once a man or woman is married, they absolutely can not have new friends or lovers or look at or smile or laugh with other people or anything outside the circumference of their spouse. Sounds like death. And they call it being in LOVE! How backward is that..I think most people don’t know what a Love-bite is. Anyway I’m trailing off…
Some of us are consciously learning to be better, parents, humans, guides,..better versions of ourselves, etc. But what if we don’t even put ourselves in the position to LEARN to be these things?? What if we spend so much time voiding opportunities to enhance ourselves? Average people write this thinking off as Overthinking…but then average people is the reason the world is so messy…they don’t acknowledge the macros and the micros to being human..instead they let someone else tell them how they should think feel and be. Usually the result is some consequence, or sad movie/book about pain.
There’s a space where we take up the challenge of learning to be friends with people we are attracted to. We may have attractive friends right, but we aren’t personally attracted to them. But what happens when we are attracted to someone and circumstances require for us to only be platonic…? What if it is a “training” for those of us to are great at everything except relationships??
I imagine I would get my ear lobe popped everytime I would project anything other than friendliness..lol! Human societies accept a norm that men are made to chase women..and human social societies dictate that this is so, based on power and r*pe culture. Me man you woman BOP! But we know that there’s mutual longing in both men and women’s energies.
Anyway…if anything it came up and it’s on my radar to be more open to friendliness vs lust.